Fear or Procrastination?

Fear or Procrastination?

Just hit the button. That’s what my brain has been telling me for the past 30 minutes. How hard could it be? Well, let me take a second and read the news. Oh, I wonder what the score is for the game. 


I haven’t talked to my mom for a few days. Let me see what she’s up to. Another hour goes by.


Look at the time. I should probably do one more read-through of my blog post before I publish it. It’s getting late, let me read it again in the morning. 


I went through different variations of the above scenario many times. Each time it was time to publish my blog post. What I thought was procrastination was really something else…




I was afraid of publishing. I was afraid to put it out in the world. The perfect idea of my blog post was already tarnished by me putting it to words. How did I get here?


How it started?


It started with an idea. A thought. Something I recognized in the world.  Maybe others would agree. Or even disagree. It would create a dialogue.


So I wrote it down. Just the title. I let the thought sit in my head. 


It was going to be great. I added a few thoughts to the idea here and there. It was perfect. Soon I’d make it real. Let me just add a little to it.


Some more words. Some more thoughts, observations. More of everything. 


This is where the first part of my fear started. I was scared to put something that was perfect in my mind on pen and paper. Or Microsoft Word. 


But I did. Eventually. And I was right. It wasn’t as good as it was in my head. It never is. In my head, it’s just a blob of thought. I’m able to shape it freely.


The real world is not that easy. It felt tainted. Putting words to a feeling, you can never quite explain it right. 


But I had to try. Words were the best way to let others know how I felt. Or the observation that I made. Maybe it would help someone else. 


How I got over that fear


There was a small trickle in the back of my mind. Quietly. Maybe this would help someone. 


Maybe this would help someone else. I know I’ve resonated with stories. Blog posts, podcasts. Were they perfect? Probably not. I can’t remember any faults though. 


It didn’t matter if it wasn’t. The story made an effect on me. I still remember many of them to this day. Only the good parts.


Someone may resonate with one of my stories. It could help them out of a rut. Or show people that everyone gets into ruts. Or faces fear. 


It helped to think about someone else. I was being selfish by not publishing. Thinking about only my needs and not other people’s needs. It helped. 


Not only that I was able to make my story more personal. Now that I had a person I was speaking to. Here’s what I did. Here’s what you can do. 


Some introspection


I’m a chronic procrastinator. Many of us are. I remember the days back in medical school, biochem would always be last on my study list. I hated it. 


Was that really procrastination? Maybe it was that fear again. Or frustration of having to study something I wasn’t good at. 


It was so much more satisfying to study something that I was good at. It’s pretty defeating getting scores of 30% and 40% when doing questions. 


Now it’s the same with publishing. There’s a fear. Fear that it won’t be as good as what it’s in my head. Fear no one will read it. 


And I might be right. No one might read it. Or people may. The only way I’ll know if by publishing it. So I get past my fear. Put it out in the world and hope to help someone.