Just hit the button. That’s what my brain has been telling me for the past 30 minutes. How hard could it be? Well, let me take a second and read the news. Oh, I wonder what the score is for the game.
I haven’t talked to my mom for a few days. Let me see what she’s up to. Another hour goes by.
Look at the time. I should probably do one more read-through of my blog post before I publish it. It’s getting late, let me read it again in the morning.
I went through different variations of the above scenario many times. Each time it was time to publish my blog post. What I thought was procrastination was really something else…
I was afraid of publishing. I was afraid to put it out in the world. The perfect idea of my blog post was already tarnished by me putting it to words. How did I get here?
How it started?
It started with an idea. A thought. Something I recognized in the world. Maybe others would agree. Or even disagree. It would create a dialogue.
So I wrote it down. Just the title. I let the thought sit in my head.
It was going to be great. I added a few thoughts to the idea here and there. It was perfect. Soon I’d make it real. Let me just add a little to it.
Some more words. Some more thoughts, observations. More of everything.
This is where the first part of my fear started. I was scared to put something that was perfect in my mind on pen and paper. Or Microsoft Word.
But I did. Eventually. And I was right. It wasn’t as good as it was in my head. It never is. In my head, it’s just a blob of thought. I’m able to shape it freely.
The real world is not that easy. It felt tainted. Putting words to a feeling, you can never quite explain it right.
But I had to try. Words were the best way to let others know how I felt. Or the observation that I made. Maybe it would help someone else.